An Octogenarian Wedding

On October 31, I had the high honor of officiating the wedding ceremony of two 84-year old members of Church of the Good Shepherd. That's unusual enough, but there's more: I had also officiated the funerals for the couples' first spouses. I had walked with each of them as they cared for ill spouses, as they grieved the loss of their marital relationships as their spouses declined, as they grieved the actual loss when their spouses died, as they mourned and rebuilt life, as they met one another and began to keep company and finally when their relationship turned to romance. I had wrestled for weeks with what to say to these two - they've been through so much, they have so much to share. Finally, I decided to play my indecision into a rhetorical device and the wedding homily was born: “When there is Nothing Left to Say” Wedding Homily for Ruth Woodward and Bernie McDonald October 31, 2009 (ref. Colossians 3:12-17) I put on my Facebook status earlier this week that I was working on the wedding ceremony for two octogenarians – which was a first for me. I got many responses: “Very cool;” “How sweet! This gives me hope” “An inspiration to us all!” And of course there was the one joker who replied: “Octogenarians? Are those like vegetarians?” Bernie and Ruth – you are, well, unusual! This doesn’t happen every day. As I gathered the words I wanted to share with you on this occasion, I scanned about for other stories on the internet about folks in their eighties or nineties who got married. I did find one article about a couple in Miami who got married a few years ago – he was 93 and she was 86. And that’s it. I did find a number of online senior citizen dating websites. And I found a lot of jokes about what it’s like to get married when you’re old. One good one goes like this: A widower and widow who had known one another for a long time saw their relationship blossom into a romance. One night at a community dinner, the widower got up the nerve to ask the widow, “Will you marry me?” After about six seconds’ hesitation, she answered “Yes. Yes, I will.” The meal ended and they went to their respective apartments. The next morning, the would-be groom was troubled. Did she say “yes” or did she say “no?” Try as he might, he couldn’t remember. Full of anxiety, he went to the phone and called her. He explained that as he’d gotten older he just didn’t remember things like he used to. He reviewed the wonderful meal they had shared the night before. After gathering his courage, he asked: “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘yes’ or did you say ‘no?’” He was delighted to hear her say, “Oh, I said ‘yes’ and I meant it with all my heart.” Then she continued, “And I am so glad you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me!” I saw a few other good ones, too, but they weren’t appropriate to share in church. But that’s all I found – one news story, dating websites, and lots of jokes about getting old. You are unusual. What does one say to folks in their eighties getting married? I usually tell couples to pay attention, quite literally, to passages like this one from Colossians – especially the exhortation to humility, patience and forgiveness. I tell couples – “you have no idea how much you are going to need those particular characteristics during your married life!” But the two of you already know that. You both have previously lived in long, wonderful marriages in which you learned that lesson and lived humility, patience and forgiveness every day. So I don’t need to tell you that. I’ll just remind you that you’ll need to do that again as you enter this new marriage. I also usually call the couple’s attention to the “’til death do us part” section of the wedding vows and suggest that the commitment they are about to make is of the life and death variety. I go on to suggest that we never know when the death part will come our way and so they should hold on to this commitment and remember this shining moment when they have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death with their spouse. But I don’t have to remind you two of that – you have already done that. You know the gravity of the commitment you make and you know what it is to so commit your life to another person that you will walk anywhere they need to walk until the end of their days. So I don’t need to talk about that. I also usually tell couples that they are not alone as they embark on wedded bliss. I remind them that all of these people gathered here have pledged to support you in your vows and help you find your way toward a truly loving and successful life partnership. But you already know that. You both have learned the importance of the loving support of friends, family and faith community. So I don’t need to tell you that. I’ll just remind you that it’s still true – even in your eighties. Maybe even more so! So in a sense I have nothing to say to you. Nothing, except: Thank you. Ruth and Bernie, in you, in this moment, you have given us all a chance to see what love and commitment really are. You have reminded us that as the decades pass for all of us, our call from God to live a full, active and vital life does not disappear or fade away – it is renewed with every gray hair and wrinkle that appears. By standing here today, you are striking a blow for courage – the courage to fully live all of life’s passions and emotions – no matter one’s age. By selecting that passage from Colossians, you have reminded us that the clothing that we are exhorted to put on – the clothing of compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience and forgiveness never wear out – they are always made new in Christ! By taking this step in this moment, you are reminding us that it is never too late to sing songs of gratitude for the renewal of life and love that can come while living in the light of Christ. So, having reminded you of things you already know and celebrating this moment which you share with all of us, I say simply: Thank you. And thanks be to God! Amen. And to prove my point of what an inspiration they are - they are currently honeymooning at Disney World! :-)